right now.

Yes.

I realize it's been well over a month since a REAL post.

I'm not even going to try to make up excuses.

Because there are no excuses.

But I'm back (yay!!) and I wanted to need to get some things off my chest.

I lot has happened in the past month or so.

(I'm not going to go into detail... I just need to "vent" if you will.)

But it's all helped me to push myself.

To become better.

To become stronger.

To become more confident in who I am.

First:

I AM good enough.

Do I have the perfect body? Absolutely not.

Am I happy with my body right now? No.

Do I want to get stronger and continue working towards my dream body? You better believe it.

But that doesn't mean that I'm not good enough.

That doesn't mean that I'm not already beautiful.

That being said, I'm determined to better my life all around.

I am taking some time to lay out in the sun and enjoy God's beauty.

Take some time for myself - to think and be at peace with myself.

I'm diving back into God's Word.

Learning more about my Creator.

Striving to live my life for Him.

Am I to where I need to be? Absolutely not. I'm far from being a "good" Christian.

But I'm trying.

I'm working to get some more balance in my life.

Getting more organized and prioritizing my life again.

Figuring out what's truly important to me.

((Got my planner from Erin Condren Designs. Amazing. Go get yourself one.))

I'm learning to be ok with my body.

I was recently asked if I was happy with where I am with my body.

My answer? No. I want to be better.

I want to be more fit.

I want to be skinnier.

I want to turn heads when I walk into the room.

Who doesn't?

But I'm still beautiful RIGHT NOW.

I am more fit NOW than I was then.

I am skinnier NOW than I was then.

I feel more comfortable taking pictures NOW.

Because right NOW?

I'm healthier. I'm confident. I'm stronger.

I'm beautiful.

I still have a long way to go before I have my life where I want it to be.

And something else that I have to remember came to me in a devotion.

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From Living the Surrendered Life:

A lot of times things just don't go our way. The natural response to an undesired event in our life is disappointment. When you apply for that dream job and don't land it. When you think a relationship has potential and it suddenly ends. When you study for hours for an exam only to find you have to re-take it. When you take your 13th pregnancy test and still don't see that second line. When you submit your writings for publication and they aren't accepted. When you pray for that person to change and you don’t see anything different.

If we say that we don’t ever feel disappointment over things like this, we are probably trying to be too spiritual. Feeling disappointment is understandable and even accepted. But, it should be a stepping-stone on our path with Jesus…not the anchor that drowns us.

We all have dreams that we want to see transpire in our lives. But if they are our dreams and we have not consulted our Heavenly Father, then they often lack vision and purpose toward a higher goal. Our plans, even on our very best day, are nothing compared to the amazing plans God has for us.

We have to rest in the sovereignty of God and the fact that he will always keep His Word to us. The last time I checked, our Creator is never late in His promises to us.

Prov 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
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I may not be 100% happy with my body, my life, or my relationship with Christ.

But I'm working on it, and God has a plan for my life.

And it's bigger, better, and all around greater than any plan I could ever have for my own life.

I just have to trust Him.

So you may think that I'm not good enough because I don't have the supermodel body.

But that just means that I'm too good for you.

I may not be sexy yet...

but I'm beautiful and I know it.